Movie Monday #14: Sleuth

Most of you who read this blog have gotten to know my viewing habits fairly well.  I tend to like pretty much whatever I watch, since I don't go out of my way to watch movies I'll hate.  But recently I came across a movie that made me squirm in my seat, and it wasn't from horrific special effects, either.  It was the 2007 remake of Sleuth, starring Jude Law and Michael Caine.  I picked it up for $2.50 and, as you'll find out, that's about all it was worth.

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"Do you fancy me?"

Jude Law as Milo Tindle, Sleuth

I just came up with a new t-shirt slogan that would best describe this blog--“I came.  I saw.  I bought cheap movies.”  I wish I had a shirt like that, because it would describe my experience at the Fairchance Pharmacy in Fairchance, PA, not so far from my hometown of Uniontown, PA, where I spent some time picking up, what else, cheap movies.


The Fairchance Pharmacy actually has a video rental joint inside of it, and they do a good business in new and used merchandise.  I had a ball looking through their used items, and picked up four movies that day, all of which will be the subject of later reviews.  One of these films, Sleuth, caught my eye because it only had two actors in the entire film--Michael Caine and Jude Law.  Let’s dive in and see what they have to offer us.

The movie opens with a montage of surveillance camera footage as a car pulls up to a recently remodeled English manor.  Andrew Wyke (Caine) is the owner of this manor; he’s a world-famous crime writer who recently separated from his wife.  Milo Tindle (Law) is his recently-arrived guest, and the man currently sleeping with Andrew’s wife.  At first, I wasn’t sure what to make of this film, because it’s basically about nothing for a good ten minutes...until Andrew brings up the subject of his wife, and how Milo has come to discuss a divorce settlement with him.

But instead of a divorce settlement, Andrew comes up with this grand scheme to have Milo “rob” him of precious jewels that are in his bedroom safe.  After almost flubbing this, Milo realizes that Andrew isn’t playing a game anymore -- he’s not going to give his wife a divorce, and the gun he’s pointing at Milo has a live round in it, ready to end his life.  And just when Andrew pulls the trigger--


We cut away to a car speeding toward the manor.  This is Inspector Black of New Scotland Yard, asking Andrew about the murder of Milo Tindle.  Andrew becomes uncomfortable as this inspector starts to gain the upper hand on him--until it’s revealed that Inspector Black and Milo Tindle are the same person.  Now that that’s settled, the movie moves into its third act, much like the play it was based on, to which I can only say this: it was wicked and rather unsettling.

In fact, this whole movie is unsettling.  There’s something vaguely homosexual going on between Andrew and Milo, and it only intensifies in the third act.  Maybe I’m not as open-minded as I should be, but I don’t agree with that lifestyle, and I sure didn’t want to see Jude Law kiss Michael Caine, even if it was slightly off-camera.  Aside from their vague homosexuality, Caine and Law deliver dynamite performances that draw you in and never let you go.  That’s the problem with Sleuth--you know you shouldn’t be watching a movie this bad, but you can’t stop watching it because the actors in it are doing a damn good job at keeping this sinking ship alive.  

The direction by Kenneth Branagh, a director that is described on the back of the DVD case as “critically-acclaimed,” was nothing but static shots accented with blue and purple lighting inside Andrew’s manor.  One shot that stood out to me as being particularly horrible was one spying on the two characters through window blinds.  I couldn’t make out what was going on, and this shot just held and held and held on those freaking blinds.
 
This is another quibble I have with independent film, especially British “indie” film--some of these movies aren’t about anything worth watching, and this was one of those.  Aside from the stellar acting, poor direction, and the almost non-existent music, the only redeeming quality this film had was the production design, which was by a chap named Tim Harvey.  His design for the remodeled manor was superb, even including a little two-person elevator that rose to Andrew’s bedroom on the second floor.  The lighting by Haris Zambarloukos was also noteworthy.
 
Unfortunately, lighting and production design do not a movie make, and even when you’ve got star power like Michael Caine and Jude Law, two fine actors in their own rights, the boat is going to sink when the captain relies on the ping-pong close-up to get his point across.  The static, almost clinical way that Kenneth Branagh directed this film just killed any potential it had at being a good movie.
 
So do yourself a favor--even if you see this one in the bargain bin at two dollars and fifty cents, which was where I found it, let this review be your guide and just stay away from this stinker.  Or, if you actually like bad movies, you can do what my friend Mindy does and make a “Bad Movie Night” out of it with your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or just a friend or two.  

Anything’s better than taking this movie seriously, because it doesn’t even deserve that.

Movie Monday #13 -- Breakaway

I know this is a really late update, but I thought I'd get a review in before the year was up.  *sigh*  Time has escaped my grasp once again and prevented me from updating on a regular basis like I would have wanted to.  Anyway, here's a review of the 2002 film, Breakaway.

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“What’s the matter, slick? You out of ammo?”


--Dean Cain as Cornelius Morgan, Breakaway

As far as Christmas action movies go, there are very few that exist. John Frankenheimer’s Reindeer Games comes to mind as one of them, but most people would like to forget that one was ever made. I’d like to review one here that is simply good entertainment--the 2002 made-for-TV movie Breakaway, starring Dean Cain, Erika Eleniak, and one of my favorite villains of all time, Eric Roberts.

The movie opens with the dramatic music of John Debney (more on that in a minute) and shows various angles of shoppers inside Chicago’s busiest mall, Chicago Place. With Roberts’ narration running over this, he explains to his crew of thieves that on Christmas Eve, there will be twelve million dollars in untraceable cash in Chicago Place’s basement vault...and they’re going to take it.

Enter Cornelius Morgan (Dean Cain), a lieutenant on the Chicago P.D. who can’t afford to give his wife Cat (Erika Eleniak) what she wanted for Christmas. His attention is soon diverted to the Lotus Flower Society in Chinatown, where a group of Triad gangsters attempt to rob the club. In the ensuing shootout, Morgan accidentally wings the head of the Lotus Flower Society, who is sort-of like the Mayor of Chinatown, and this pompous ass decides to sue the city of Chicago for forty million dollars in damages...and personally lists Morgan as a co-defendant.

With all this hanging over their heads, Morgan and Cat attend a children’s Christmas concert, which features both Morgan’s daughter and Jimmy Scalzetti’s (Eric Roberts) son. In a brief scene after the performance, Morgan sees Scalzetti speaking to his wife about his son Anthony, who has leukemia and needs a bone marrow transplant. The operation will cost in the upwards of millions of dollars (since ex-cons can’t get insurance, something I had never thought of), which explains why Scalzetti and his crew are taking down Chicago Place.

Unfortunately, Cat works at a jewelry store at said mall, and is staying late with an indecisive customer on Christmas Eve. Morgan, feeling that a recent fight with Cat needs to be settled before the sun goes down, buys her flowers five minutes before the mall closes...and spots Jimmy Scalzetti’s crew stepping through a security door. With only a few moments to make a decision, Morgan decides to tail them back into the labyrinth behind the mall and just misses them taking a service elevator to the basement.

Morgan’s response to all this is a hearty “Retired my ass...” as he prepares himself for what is the craziest, most action-packed TV movie I have ever seen. Breakaway has things that just aren’t done on a TV movie budget, and I really wish there was some kind-of behind the scenes material available for this, because it would explain how they did the stunts and gunfire and explosions on such a limited budget and without too many stuntmen.

In the gun battle between Morgan and Petreovich, a taller-than-tall Russian thug with some kind of combat shotgun for a weapon, Morgan is running behind payphone bays (which are exploding brilliantly), the railing of the mall’s upper floor (which is sparking brightly), and a snowman statue (which detonates into shards of confetti and cardboard that always make me proclaim “Blow up the snowman, blow up the snowman!”). All of this is filmed in John Woo-like slow motion, adding to the agonizing brutality of what Morgan is enduring not only during this gunfight, but throughout the entire film.

My dad, after watching this movie, described it as “Die Hard in a shopping mall,” and that’s exactly what it is, because Morgan has to use all of his wits and anything available to him in order to take down Scalzetti’s crew and Scalzetti himself. One of the more interesting things this film brought to light was pioneering the use of shampoo as a deterrent to your foes. This may sound hilarious to you, but when Morgan is facing Simulus in the upscale department store, he spreads shampoo near an escalator exit. When Simulus comes running up with guns blazing, he goes sliding through several displays and ends up shooting the head of a mannequin (another moment that made me happy; mannequins freak me out).

There are also several twists and turns in this movie that surprised me and raise it one notch above your average action film. One thug that the movie leads you to believe is dead actually comes back to attack Morgan a second time; apparently his injury was not that serious. Additionally, Scalzetti takes some hostages, including Morgan’s wife Cat, which can only ramp up the tension about ten thousand notches for our hero.

As for the acting, it’s about what you’d expect from a TV action movie, but the absolute stand-out roles here are Erika Eleniak as Cat Morgan and Eric Roberts as Jimmy Scalzetti. For Erika, here was a role that was not asking her to be half-naked all the time or to show her breasts (can we say Under Siege, anyone?). She really got to show that she can act and make it be believable, and make herself be sympathetic to the audience. Hats off to Erika for a job well done.

As for Eric Roberts, the casting couldn’t have been better. He pulls off Jimmy Scalzetti with the right amounts of wit, sarcasm, and cold-blooded criminal that I have come to expect from this very talented actor. And while I have previously complained that he tends to play very one-dimensional villains, here was a villain that was two-dimensional--he wasn’t taking down Chicago Place without a reason (he needs the money for his son’s bone marrow transplant, remember?), and it wasn’t like he hadn’t tried other avenues (ex-cons can’t get insurance, remember?). This character was a desperate man with desperate means to take down an impossible score...and whether he makes it or not is up to you to find out.

The music was composed by two different musicians--the main theme was done by John Debney, which is a name I remember from other TV projects and action films. The rest of the music was done by Louis Febre, who did an awesome job accenting the adrenaline-pumping action scenes in this film.

There is one quibble I had with Breakaway, and it’s that the film suffers from “one-liner” syndrome. This happens with two of the lines that are repeated at least three times by different characters throughout the film. In the first instance, Morgan says to one of the Triad gangsters, “Now there’s an easy way and there’s a hard way. Do the right thing.” His own partner, Rich, says it the second time. The third time comes once again from Morgan when he has Scalzetti in his sights near the end of the film. Now do you see what I mean by “one-liner syndrome?” This is something that, oftentimes, first-time writers and directors suffer from, because they think they’re being cool. To me, it just comes off as bad writing.

The other instance of “one-liner syndrome” came with the line, “You’re a class act, (insert character name here).” I caught that three times as well--first with Morgan, then with Rich, then with Scalzetti. This sort-of thing happened a lot in 80’s action movies too, of which I am a fan, but merely for the stunts and production design--not for the cheesy dialogue. Something tells me this might have been an older script that was hastily updated when it was called into production, and they overlooked the “one-liner syndrome” that often plagued its 80’s cohorts.

If you’re able to put this aside, you’ll find a very decent Christmas action movie that doesn’t scrimp on the effects and the stunts just because it’s a TV movie. If you’re a fan of Dean Cain, you won’t be disappointed either, because he pulls of a very strong performance in this film as the cop that just won’t quit. And if you’re a guy looking for some testosterone-fixin’ this holiday season, and you stumble on Breakaway, then lucky you--you’re in for a holly-jolly good time.

Movie Monday #12 -- Risk

“Let me put this in words you can understand--fuck off!”

Bryan Brown as Kreisky, Risk

I am a huge fan of Australian film. The entire industry seems to have crumbled over there lately, which is a huge disappointment, but when I saw Risk peeking out from behind another DVD in the bargain rack at my local grocery store and spotted Bryan Brown’s picture on the front, I figured I’d at least give it a look. When I discovered that it was an Australian film, I bought it without another thought, and that was an easy thing to do because of its low $3.99 price.

Risk starts off slow, centering on the first day of Ben Madigan’s new job as an insurance adjuster. He thinks he’ll be helping people by granting them money they deserve. What he learns is that the insurance company is only out to protect its money and its own interests; the rookies are taught to pay out the minimum amount of money and use any excuse they can to knock the total down as far as it will go.

Ben is really too innocent for this kind of job, but he does have a knack for convincing people that taking the insurance money is the right thing to do--a skill he learns when senior adjuster John Kreisky takes him under his wing in a little “experiment.” Kreisky proposes that Ben will close disputed claims at an eighty percent payout, thereby leaving the company twenty percent and still making them money.

Ben eventually learns that he’s very good at this, but that Kreisky has covered his tracks with this experiment by initiating a scam to rip off the insurance company. While Ben proposes that he isn’t “doing anything wrong,” Kreisky and his lover Louise work out a deal that involves fake insurance claims posing as real ones, and all three of them get paid nicely for it.

Unfortunately, Ben starts to catch wind of an internal investigation in the company about someone absconding with company funds. When the Australian police come in and launch a full-scale investigation, Ben realizes that it’s high time he developed an exit strategy--and what a doozy it is.

Risk showcases the talents of its three main actors to the hilt. Tom Long is perfectly cast as Ben, the innocent adjuster who gets in over his head in this scam and can’t find a way out. Bryan Brown is the perfect manipulator as Kreisky, always steering Ben back on the path he wants Ben to travel on, not the path that Ben knows he should be on. Claudia Karvan is beautiful, sassy, serious, and downright one of the sexiest Australian actresses put to film as Louise, the woman who is seeing both Ben and Kreisky and is headed to Heartbreak City by the end of the film.

The production design by Murray Picknett was the standout element in this film. Everyone is dressed in warm, dark colors, and so are their surroundings. Even the cars are in coordinating colors, so they don’t clash with the amazing wardrobe by Margot Wilson. I have never been very impressed with the “stylized reality” that some films go for, but Risk pulls this off flawlessly and with seemingly no effort.

The music by Don Miller-Robinson reflected the source music used in the film, something that is becoming rare these days. The musical score included a synthesized Hammond organ, which is a sound I just love from the days of 3 Dog Night, and it worked great in this film to compliment the on-screen events and the other songs used to emphasize various key points.

The lighting by Simon Duggan was not fancy or heavily stylized--it was efficient and to the point, illuminating when it had to, and leaving things dark and mysterious when they needed to be. When you’re trying to accomplish “stylized reality,” sometimes the lighting can be too stylized or too real, but Simon got the balance just right for Risk. Hats off to you, mate.

The script by John Armstrong was tight, poignant, and nerve-racking at the tension-grinding moments. There was a strange lack of humor in this film, with the exception of two or three deliberate jokes, which come off as a little out-of-place but nevertheless funny. Other than that little quibble, I have very few complaints about the writing of the film--it was totally spot-on.

The direction by Alan White (a name I’ve heard before from somewhere) was terrific, never calling for any “independent movie-maker shake” shots (i.e. Paul Greengrass’s hand-held gunfight mayhem in the Bourne films). The shots were steady, the camera moved only to emphasize or stylishly capture a certain tense moment, and never lost its sense of pace. This guy knew what he was doing, and it shows.

Overall, Risk is a terrific thriller that ends on a chilling note (I won’t spoil it for you, though). If you’re up for a film that will entertain as well as make you think about the insurance industry in general, then you’re ready to take in the Australian gem Risk.

Movie Monday #11: Give 'Em Hell Malone

Last Friday I stopped by Blockbuster Video at Windsor Commons in Red Lion, PA, looking for something different to add to my movie collection.  I found Give 'Em Hell Malone, an action film by Russell Mulcahy (of Highlander fame) that I enjoyed immensly.  I payed $9.99 for a previously viewed copy that didn't have a single scratch, fingerprint, or mark on it, so I had to ask myself--was the movie so bad that nobody was watching it?  Let's find out!

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“In my world, you have to knife before you’re punched and shoot before you’re knifed, because there’s one golden rule that can never be broken -- once you’re dead, you stay that way.”


--Thomas Jane as Malone, Give ‘Em Hell Malone

Along with all the other things I love about movies, I love it when a movie pays homage to film noir and gangster-era themes. My favorite movie of all time, L.A. Confidential, pays homage to hardboiled detectives and crime novels of the 1940’s and 1950’s, which are quickly becoming the only books I read.

So when a movie comes along that pays homage to film noir, hardboiled crime fiction, and yet creates something new entirely, what do you expect me to do? Sit on my hands and let it slip under the radar? To be truthful, I almost did, if it weren’t for a recent trip to Blockbuster Video at Windsor Commons in Red Lion, PA, where I found Give ‘Em Hell Malone, previously viewed, for ten bucks.

The film opens with a massive, visceral shootout between Malone and at least twelve guys in an empty hotel. Malone (Thomas Jane) narrates over this with wry, period-appropriate dialogue, informing us of his personal opinion of getting shot at, bullets (and their many uses), thugs, and some vital personal information.

Malone has been hired to retrieve a case from the safe in the hotel. After getting shot, having the case stolen from him by a thug named Pencil Stache, chasing this guy down in his resto-rod, shooting out his tires with a shotgun, and letting Pencil’s van smash through several parked cars, Malone visits his mother, Gloria, at the retirement home.

Apparently Malone only visits her when he’s been shot, stabbed, or is in desperate need of medical attention. Gloria doesn’t use anesthesia, so Malone’s screaming can be heard inside (and outside) the nursing home. After getting fixed up, Malone opens the case and finds a blue toy elephant inside.

Returning to his handler’s home with an empty case, Malone wants to know who his client was. Enter Evelyn (Elsa Pataky), a femme fatale in a red coat who claims she must trade the case and its contents for her brother, Sam, or he will die.

And to top everything off, we have Boulder (Ving Rhames), a tough-as-nails hood working for Whitmore (Gregory Harrison), the crime boss of this city. Boulder needs Whitmore’s money to keep his wife’s life-sustaining equipment running, so Boulder goes to track down Malone and get the case back, with a little help from the psychopathic pyromaniac Matchstick (Doug Hutchison).

Along the way, Matchstick sets things on fire, Malone’s mom gets drunk, Evelyn seduces Malone, and Malone runs out of bullets (a rare thing for an action movie). There’s plenty of humor, plenty of action, plenty of surprises, and plenty of nods to the hardboiled heroes of yesteryear to keep any movie fan pleased.

Thomas Jane was born to play Malone. The cadence in his voice, his swagger, the way he uses that huge revolver--everything about Malone--seems effortless for Jane. He makes these kinds of parts look easy. He also makes you cheer for Malone, laugh with Malone, and feel sorry for Malone, sometimes all at once. If there were ever a guy to recreate Philip Marlowe and Sam Spade, it would be Thomas Jane.

Elsa Pataky is smoking hot as Evelyn, the woman who twists Malone from love to hate and back again. The shower scene in the motel room (where Malone can see half of her taking a shower in the bathroom mirror) stood out to me as being very Raymond Chandler and Donald Westlake, and her whole attitude and demeanor were dead on the money for a film with hardboiled themes. Any actress can be easy on the eyes, but it helps if you’ve got the talent to back it up. Pataky is the full package.

Ving Rhames showed flashes of his brief but memorable turn as Kojak in this film. Boulder is a man who used to work with Malone, but turned to a life of crime in order to keep his dying wife alive. Repeating throughout the movie “She’s gonna pull through” to almost every character, Rhames shows that this is a guy who doesn’t really believe in what he’s doing anymore. Does he make the right choice come the end of the film? I’ll leave that for you to decide, but you’re in for a treat with Rhames’s deadpan humor and gangster swagger whenever he steps on screen.

Writer Mark Hosack scribed a terrific script that hits all the action-lover and noir-lover notes just right. Director Russell Mulcahy (of Highlander and Resident Evil fame) put his years of experience to good use in Give ‘Em Hell Malone, pulling off some great stunts, lighting, sets, and special effects on a low budget. Cinematographer Jonathan Hall did a terrific job as well, getting all the film noir trademarks in there--silhouettes, slat lighting, and shadows.

The music, however, is the real treat in this film. The musical score by David Williams features a slow, saxophone love theme that evokes shades of the opening credit music to Basic Instinct and Body Heat, but he didn’t stop there. He added synthesizers, mini-moogs, and crazy drum beats to the action and chase scenes to show the modern side of the production, while keeping the old film noir sound. I’ve never heard music done like that before, and Williams is now my favorite movie composer because of it. Watch out for this guy, folks--he’s going to go places.

So, with all of this going right for Give ‘Em Hell, Malone, what could possibly be wrong with it? Not much, but I did find it a little confusing near the end of what screenwriters call Act Two (the middle section of the film), because there were one or two twists that twisted a bit too fast. You also have to take into account that this is a Russell Mulcahy film, and that means logic can sometimes go out the window.

Other than those two quibbles, I enjoyed Give ‘Em Hell Malone a ton. It had laughs, action, and suspense, and the whole homage to the hardboiled era only enhanced the fun factor for me. This was worth every penny of the ten dollars I spent on it, and I’m looking into some of the other titles that its distributor, National Entertainment Media, has available. I wish they made more movies like this and in this style, but for now, I will sit back and watch Give ‘Em Hell Malone till they discover a way to bring Chandler and Westlake back to life...and that could be a while.

Movie Monday #10: Night Train

Last Friday I spent some time looking through the bins at Tom's Music Trade for some cheap movies to add to my collection.  One of the movies I ran across was Night Train, M. Brian King's 2008 noir mystery vehicle, which I snagged for $1.99.  The original Blockbuster Video price tag was still on the case, which listed the price as $14.99.  Sure, I got the movie for a song...but was it worth it?

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“Who hasn’t chopped up a corpse from time to time?”

--Steve Zahn as Pete, Night Train

The concept of a movie on a train has been done to death.

There. I said it. I got it off my chest.

But there hasn’t been a movie on a train in a long time, and the genre seems to have disappeared altogether from Hollywood. So when an independent thriller comes along that takes place on a train traveling to nowhere on Christmas Eve, I was intrigued...and now that I’ve seen Night Train, I can say that the genre hasn’t been done like this in a long time.

Miles (Danny Glover) is a veteran train conductor who merely wants to get home to his ailing wife by Christmas morning. At the first stop for his train, a strange man comes on board carrying a Christmas present. He takes a seat in the rear car, where washed-up salesman Pete (Steve Zahn) and pre-med student Chloe (Leelee Sobieski) are trying not to be weirded out by the new guy.

As the train gets under way, Miles stops by the rear car to see the stranger again. It seems the guy didn’t pay for a ticket, but that’s not going to be a problem--he’s dead. As Miles, Pete, and Chloe investigate this incident, Pete opens the Christmas present and finds a small, wooden box inside...and inside the box are five million dollars worth of white diamonds.

Miles thinks they should report the dead man to the authorities. Pete thinks they shouldn’t. Chloe points out that they can dump the stranger’s body from the train and into an upcoming river without anyone being the wiser...and soon, everything starts to snowball out of control as Chloe gets more and more manipulative, Miles starts to regret that he ever found the box, and Pete is too scared to think straight, which all leads to a smashing climax aboard the runaway train.

Danny Glover is someone who, after Lethal Weapon was said and done with, has really supported the independent film community with his work. He gives a performance here that’s as solid as I’ve ever seen from him. Everything about the character of Miles--his gait, his limp, his voice, and the way greed twists at his heart--really made me admire Glover as a terrific actor, and not just a straight man to Mel Gibson.

Leelee Sobieski is something of an enigma to me. I’d only seen her in Joyride before this, and while I thought she was gorgeous and definitely had talent, I didn’t know what else she brought to the table. Miss Sobieski proves that she has the acting chops to compete with some of the best out there in Night Train. Her turn as the manipulative and slightly psychotic Chloe is one of the better and more realistic femme fatale portrayals I’ve seen in recent years, and the more horror-oriented elements of the film played to her strengths quite well. I’ll be looking for more of her work from now on.

Steve Zahn (who co-starred with Sobieski in Joyride) has been redefining himself lately as someone who can take on dramatic roles (see his turn in A Perfect Getaway for evidence of this) as well as comedic ones. His character, Pete, slowly develops over the period of the film into the audience’s guilty conscience, since he’s the one who wants to run away with the box and never come back, and ends up getting killed by his own greed. A good lesson to be learned by anyone who wants to pursue a life of crime, and a lesson well-acted by Steve Zahn.

Writer/director M. Brian King confesses a childhood love for trains in an interview on the DVD, and it shows in every frame of Night Train. The entire movie takes place on the train (say for the last few minutes), and while the exterior train shots were all done with CGI, that didn’t seem to bother me very much--King clearly knew how he wanted his film to look, to sound, and to feel, and he brought every bit of that to the table.

Production Designer John Welbanks is the kind of guy I’d hire if I were making a movie. He had to design a wooden six-car train setup inside a studio in Yugoslavia and get it done on a budget. The results speak for themselves. The train itself looks like an old model that’s ready for retirement. The interior has a 40’s-style wood finish. There are Christmas decorations and twinkle lights everywhere. And the best part of it all was the baggage cart, a cold, wrought-iron place where Chloe “improvises” with how to dispose of the dead stranger. Kudos to John for creating a gorgeous and believable backdrop for the film to take place in.

My only real complaint about the film was the lighting by Christopher Popp. I don’t know if it was a style choice or if it was M. Brian King’s choice, but for the majority of the movie, everything is fully lit, all the time. I realize it takes place on a train, and that trains are fully lit the majority of the time, but a little mood lighting wouldn’t have hurt in certain spots. The only real lighting change was in the baggage cart scenes with the florescent bulbs, which was absolutely gorgeous, but the soft, happy lighting downplayed the dark, noir-like themes going on on-screen. Somebody needed to do their homework on what noir lighting is all about, but as to whose flub it was will remain a mystery.

If you watch Night Train, be prepared for a Hitchcock-like noir thriller that takes an unexpected sci-fi twist, and get ready for lots of other twists along the way too. While it’s not the best film I’ve ever seen, it certainly grabbed my attention with the mystery of the dead man and his mysterious box, and the things the characters do for the box’s contents are believable and keep your interest. If you like your movies a little on the darker side and with a touch of the macabre, then you’ll love Night Train.

Movie Monday No. 9 - City Hunter: The Motion Picture

Apologies from me for this late update -- I had a super-crappy week last week due to the death of an old acquaintence here in Dallastown that I went to school with and things got complicated. Aside from that, I would like to present to you the first anime-related review of Movie Monday, a look at ADV Film's 2002 entry, City Hunter: The Motion Picture.

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“Nookie never lies.”
--Martin Blacker as Joe Saeba, a.k.a. City Hunter

Let it be said that I’ve been an unabashed fan of anime, or Japanese animation, since I was twelve years old. The very first ‘real’ anime I ever saw was The Guyver: Bio-Booster Armor OAV put out by U.S. Renditions, and it’s been an on-and-off-again ride ever since. Right now, it’s on again, and I’d like to commemorate this ninth review by being the first anime-related review of Movie Monday -- City Hunter: The Motion Picture, a made-for-TV special to celebrate ten years of the TV series City Hunter being on the air.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the City Hunter story, and that included me, it’s fairly simple -- Ryo Saeba (Joe Saeba in the English version) is Shinjuku’s number one troubleshooter and ladies’ man, also known as City Hunter. If you leave a message on the XYZ board at the downtown Tokyo train station, he’ll come find you and offer assistance. If you happen to be a pretty lady, then he expects to be paid with some nookie. To stop his relentless nookie quest, his assistant Kaori has a variety of hyper-dimensional hammers that she smacks Joe over the head with, ranging from a 50 pounder to a 1,000-ton ball on a chain.

The lass in need of assistance this time is dancer/performer Ami Munto, whose brother disappeared some time ago. Recently, Ami received a bundle of black roses, which always held significance for her and her older sibling. Simultaneously, a criminal mastermind known as The Professor has entered Tokyo, with the purpose of committing a terrible terrorist action against the Japanese government. Could this Professor be Ami’s long-lost brother? What’s his purpose for challenging the City Hunter? If I said anything else, I’d spoil what is probably the most thrilling anime I’ve seen in a long time, so I’ll just stop right here and let you watch it for yourself.

I watched both versions of the film (the original Japanese version and the English dub) and found the English dub to be more enjoyable, even if it does have some serious mistakes and mispronunciations in it. Most notable of the changes in the dub is the switch of Ryo’s name to Joe so it would fit the lip flaps. The same probably happened with Saeko, the sexy female police inspector, whose name got changed to Sandra. Kaori’s name got mispronounced by each character at least a dozen times, and I don’t think any of them got it right. And finally, the most notable mistake was the mispronunciation of the city Shinjuku, which got pronounced as "not SHIN-juku," not "shin-JU-ku."

But this dub makes up for what it did by giving these characters more flavor than the Japanese version had. In the Japanese version, Ryo is simply a tough guy with a case of wackiness that could be controlled with some anti-psychotics; Martin Blacker, his English voice actor, brings more balance to the role, giving “Joe” a unified persona. The arguments between Falcon, a tough mercenary who runs a coffee shop, and Joe are absolutely hilarious, whereas they fell flat for me in the Japanese version.

As for the hyper-dimensional hammer thing, I have only this to say to City Hunter fans -- when you get to be my age (27 in May), whacking someone over the head with a hammer because they chase after women is like watching a Looney Tune, not an anime. Sorry, but all that fighting between Joe and Kaori didn’t make me laugh once. I’m guessing the hammer business is something only die-hard City Hunter fans understand, ‘cause it was lost on me.

As an added note, the final battle between Joe and The Professor is probably my favorite part of the movie, because it takes place on a speeding bullet train against a rusty orange sunset. The gunplay in City Hunter is very realistic, with the guns actually looking like their real-life counterparts. The fistfight between Joe and The Professor wasn’t bad either, as it didn’t have them pulling out rapid-fire martial arts on each other and just going totally over-the-top with it.

Overall, I’d say that City Hunter: The Motion Picture isn’t for everyone, but if you’re a big action fan and you like your anime to be a little more realistic and believable than something like, say, The Guyver, then you might want to give this film a shot. I did -- I found a like new copy of it on the Amazon.com Marketplace for a smidgen below six dollars, and that included the shipping. Unfortunately, used is probably going to be the only place you can find the City Hunter movies and TV series, as they have all been discontinued by ADV Films and are now probably out-of-print. But if you like to hunt, and you know this bargain bin barbarian does, then you’ll find your dose of Joe, Kaori, and the hyper-dimensional hammer-whackin’ soon enough.

Movie Monday No. 8 - Big Trouble

Well, two weeks in a row for the month of March, people! Let's keep this streak going with a review of the Barry Sonnenfeld comedy, Big Trouble, which I picked up at Tom's Music Trade here in Red Lion, PA for four bucks. Wondering what store I'm talking about? Read on and find out for yourself!

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"This is Miami? They can keep it."
--Dennis Farina as Ness, Big Trouble

Cue the Cheers theme song, people, ‘cause I’m going to jabber on about one of my favorite places to go. No, it isn’t La-La Land; I can go there any time I want (and some people claim I live there daily, which I’m not conceding or denying). It’s a trade store located on North Main Street in the town I live in, Red Lion, Pennsylvania, called Tom’s Music Trade, and it’s the best place to find anything you’re looking for.

Feeling a bit blue last Wednesday, I went to Tom’s (it’s, like, five minutes from my apartment) and traded in some older DVDs I had and acquired some new ones for my collection. Tom, the owner, is a British guy who hasn’t lost his accent yet, likes watching UFC fights on his laptop by the cash register, and never seems to be in a sour mood, no matter what the weather may be like outside. When I visited his store on Wednesday, I told him about my blog, and that I’d mention his store in it someday.

Well, that time has come, since on my visit there I picked up the 2001 Touchstone Pictures comedy Big Trouble, based on Pulitzer-prize winning humorist Dave Barry’s first novel. I’ve never read the novel, but there were definite "Barry-isms" carried over from the book to the script, which is always a good sign that the writers actually cared about the material (and it wasn’t just another paycheck to them).

This film begins with Jason Lee playing a hippie addicted to Fritos named Puggy. Everyone keeps mistaking him for Jesus because of his long hair and goatee, which I thought was actually kind-of funny. The movie begins full-force with Tim Allen playing Elliot Arnold, a former columnist who quit his job after having a meltdown at his former boss who tried to assign him ‘serious’ work. If this isn’t a Barry-ism, then I don’t know what is.

The story in this film follows Arnold as his son, Matthew, attempts to go to a female classmate’s house and squirt-gun her so he can "score points" for a game played in school. Simultaneously, Dennis Farina arrives in town and at this girl’s house to kill her father, who has been skimming money from his company. The company had ordered him dead, and Farina and his partner, who always responds with the same line -- "You said it" -- end up botching the job when Elliot’s son Matthew enters the scene and tries to ‘kill’ the poor girl with his squirt gun.

When the girl’s mother (Rene Russo) and Matthew’s father Elliot meet for the first time, there’s some chemistry that can’t be denied...and when she stops by Elliot’s office the next day, they end up doing this hilarious sex scene where Elliot is trying to kiss her, take her clothes off, balance himself, and keep from spilling a cup of coffee, all to a Mexican samba in the background. This had me rolling, and that was a very good sign.

The girl’s father (Stanley Tucci) acquires a nuclear bomb from some Russian arms dealers who use a crappy bar as a front for their operation. That’s when two knuckleheads, led by Tom Sizemore, storm the bar to rob it, but instead take the nuclear device and the so-called "drug kingpin in the fag Jag" back to his house, where Elliot, his son, and the "kingpin’s" daughter and wife have arrived after finding out that another one of these squirting games has gone on, and end up getting tangled up in the heist with the nuclear device (that everyone keeps remarking looks like a garbage disposal).

If the comedy in this doesn’t keep you watching the movie, this is the point where it kicks into high gear and everything gets cranked up ten notches. I won’t ruin it for you -- you have to see it for yourself as every character gets what’s coming to them, and then some.

A movie would be nothing without its script, and this movie had a great one. The direction by Barry Sonnenfeld, who also directed Get Shorty and Men In Black before this film, was top-notch. There weren’t what I call frat-boy shots in it -- shots down women’s dresses, extreme close-ups of breasts and ass -- you get what I mean. It was a very clean movie in terms of that. The acting was top-notch, but that’s what happens when you have comedy greats like Stanley Tucci, Jason Lee, Rene Russo, and of course Tim Allen working with material from Dave Barry -- you’re bound to have something funny.

The music for this film was great as well, performed by James Newton Howard, who gets very little recognition for his work. The jazzy themes he came up with for Big Trouble matched the film perfectly, and even in the suspenseful last minutes, the score lived up to the action on the screen. Industrial Light and Magic even did some great plane effects here that still hold up well.

Overall, Big Trouble is simply a tightly-plotted and very funny movie, and I haven’t even mentioned half of what goes on. I’m saving it for you, the viewer, to find out when you watch it, because this is one movie I’d recommend to just about anybody, even my grandmother (if you’re reading this Grammy, go rent Big Trouble before the day’s through). If you’re looking for big laughs with a great cast that will not disappoint, then Big Trouble is the movie for you. And if you don’t laugh even once, then you are not human.